Reset... Restart...Refocus...

Last year I embarked on a new journey into the unknown (for me). I decided to switch gears and start a new career as a software engineer.

I jumped ship. It was hard. I failed.

I'm not smart enough for it.

Now, that is where I was unfair to myself. I AM smart enough, I just need more time and practice to get it. I'm not fast, but I'm not dumb. I needed a mindset change.

I have worked as a retail worker for a very long time. So long in fact that I thought that I could never get a job that was better. I was stuck in that mindset.

Then Covid hit. I was now an "essential worker", praised to keep going when the rest of the world stopped, to stay at home. I didn't feel "essential", I didn't feel like I was praised. The work only got harder. I really didn't count as the "rest of the world", "You're not special, get back to work".

Honestly, I stopped caring, I didn't want to deal with this anymore. I NEEDED a change.

I decided to start looking for a new job. I did not have a lot of experience outside of retail. Sure, I had a degree in culinary arts, but I was a cake decorators for 12 years, I didn't want to go back to that. I didn't have a very large pool of job posting to choose from that I was willing to do. I was too afraid to look for web development jobs. Even though I was told by my boot camp instructor that I know enough to look for front end jobs, I just didn't have the self confidence, I didn't believe in myself just to get pass the technical interviews. And I know that I'm not alone in the whole "I can't do it if you're watching me" sinario.

Then, someone from my old boot camp cohort mentioned if anybody was looking for a job that didn't have a technical interview, check out this tech consulting company. I thought that I would check it out, not very hopeful but I had to keep moving. I went to their job postings on their site and I saw that they do apprenticeships.

Wait, what?! Apprenticeship!! No experience necessary! This was my foot in the tech world.

You bet your sweet bippy I applied! The interviews went very well, one interview I had to put a little presentation together about some kind of tech I was interested in. No problem!

I got hired!! I can not believe how ingredibily lucky I felt that I found this! With the apprenticeship, I can pretty much learn what I feel passionate about, what tech interests me and I have an amazing support system with the program and others through out the company.

In the beginning I felt like a fish out of water, but I told myself to keep going. Everything was so new and very intimidating and overwhelming. It felt like we were drinking from the waterhose, information overload! But I kept going. Over time I became more comfortable and more conscious of how timid and shy I was. If I want to thrive, I had to get out there and talk to people I don't know. My anxiety needed to go.

Getting over my anxiety started to melt away like I have never imagined. I was parisapating in chats and in meetings. I "cold called" strangers to make connections and network. I freaking did it! I feel better about myself and while I'm still feel nervous, I can knock it aside and say, "NO. You have no reason to feel this way." And I amaze myself, I thought that I would be this way until the day I died. I broke out of my prison.

I can do this. I am glad I did this. I needed this.

Now, I'm approaching the end of my apprenticeship and I have learned so much. And I still have so much to learn. I stopped coding for a few months, I wanted to focus on my job and what I was learning there. But now I realize that I still want to code, so I started back up. I'm going back and first thing I'm doing is updating my whimpy portfolio page.

This has been a multi-facit journey for me. Not only into tech, but into myself.

Never look down on your journey. Do something new. Self advocate. Be someone elses cheerleader. Network.

Never give up.