Lies: Why Do We Often Opt for Them?

To tackle our tendency to lie, we first need to understand why we lie. Most of us agree that lying is usually wrong, yet many people lie from time to time.

Harold Perrineau’s character in the OZ series succinctly summarizes this dilemma:

“Most people will tell you lying is wrong and then immediately go out and lie like a motherfucker. We all know lies are necessary. They also say if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth. Or at least, you convince yourself it is the fucking gospel.”

The reasons people lie are complex and can stem from various motives. Here are some of the most common ones:

1. Convenience: Lying can sometimes seem like the easiest option. When the truth is complex, painful, or uncomfortable, lies can appear to be a simpler and less stressful route. Thus, lies are sometimes used to simplify complex situations or to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

2. Self-Protection: Our inclination to lie often stems from an effort to protect ourselves. This protection might involve avoiding a tangible threat (for example, avoiding punishment) or avoiding a more abstract threat (such as fear of criticism or rejection). Therefore, lies can serve as an emotional protection or a self-defense strategy.

3. Social Conformity: Lies can play a significant role in maintaining social harmony. Sometimes a lie can help us fit into a group or prevent social conflict. These types of lies are commonly referred to as ‘white lies’ and are usually considered harmless.

4. Control of Reality: Lies give us the ability to shape and control reality. We can lie to craft our own story or to maintain a certain image. These types of lies can be used to preserve our perception of reality or to control how others perceive us.

In conclusion, the tendency to lie is a complex and multidimensional phenomenon. Different individuals can lie for different reasons, and these reasons are often determined by a combination of internal and external factors.

However, despite the complexity of our tendency to lie, one factor typically stands at the center of all these reasons: fear. Fear is one of the deepest roots of lying. We might fear uncertainty, rejection, criticism, failure, or social non-conformity. These fears can lead to our tendency to hide the truth and to lie.

Understanding the motivations behind lies can help us draw a broader picture of human behavior. This can lead to the development of a healthier and more empathetic understanding at both a personal and societal level.