My struggle with learning

Part 1

How do I begin my story? I suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) along with all its symptoms. I wasn't aware of it before. However, I used to wonder about the frequent episodes of sadness and depression that would overcome me from time to time, sometimes for trivial reasons. I had trouble focusing and would lose interest quickly during long lectures. Watching a movie at the cinema felt like torture to me. Sitting for hours without getting up to fetch a cup of tea, clean something, or even turn on the tap for no reason, would make me anxious and I'd lose complete focus, not understanding anything from the movie. That's why the cinema was the last place you could find me. Fortunately, in my childhood, this place was considered one of the forbidden places for my conservative family.

I entered school at a young age due to my strong passion for studying. I quickly excelled and was among the top performers. No signs of attention deficit appeared until my teenage years. I began to lose focus, become easily distracted, and couldn't keep up with the teachers' explanations. My grades weren't as high as before, but I still managed to succeed and occasionally excel.

I grew fond of solitude. Even at school, I tried to escape to any quiet place to be alone and enjoy the tranquility. This continued to be normal until a new phase of my life began in a distant and completely different place from the environment I grew up in. Everything started to change there. I suffered greatly due to language and cultural differences and everything else. Because of my family's frequent moves, I never had the chance to complete my education in a single school. I had to learn on my own as much as I could. This worsened my mental state as my ability to focus deteriorated.

Making friends became nearly impossible due to the constant moving. However, I managed to successfully complete high school. But making the decision to study something in college was extremely challenging. I started studying various fields but couldn't finish due to quickly losing passion and focus. Luck wasn't on my side for regular university studies due to housing circumstances, so all my studies were through distance learning. I had to learn everything on my own, with a lot of effort and pressure. The last field I decided to study was programming, one of the toughest fields I've encountered. It mentally and physically drained me.