Learning how to code but have no discipline and will probably never make it

Today, I'm going to try to learn how to code again. I'm starting over. Again. I hate myself. I keep learning and forgetting, I just can't take it anymore. What is wrong with me. I actually like coding but hate learning because It seems like I learn and learn and never do. Yet to do, I need to learn. All I want, is to be able to code whatever Idea I have in my head. An app for solo travelers? Open computer start planning and coding and here you have it. I know nothing is this easy and I don't mind struggling and spending time building my projects but there's so much stuff to learn, I feel like it'll never end. I'm so overwhelmed and frustrated. It's like I can spend two weeks learning vanilla html/CSS (very easy), get good at it (can just code whatever I want) and then go on to learn any trending framework and forget about the HTML/CSS I spend hours training on a month ago.

I tried the learn by building stuff but at some point I just feel like I lac fundamentals , I know there's some kind of solid general knowledge I lack and it bothers me, and I waste so much time correcting mistakes because I didn't know what I was doing. IDK. Why do I complain so much. Like I need to stfu and do the work. Everything is a problem for me, but the truth is, I suck because I don't work hard enough. Just open the resource, read , and apply. How hard can it be ? (Then move on to the next one, an forget about what you just learned).

Also, I don't have a community. I feel so alone in this. I paid 6000 euros for some kind of long distance Bachelor cursus but I don't talk to anyone. Also I feel like they took everything from the internet. Is it a scam ? Did I waste my money ? Idk. I don't even go on the platform anymore. But the Bachelor is actually a good one and It might be my only chance at getting a degree. Of course it'll be a front because I'll learn everything by myself but it might not be bad for a job interview, I think.

Confucius said “To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge.” and when it comes to what I need to know to reach my goal, I struggle a LOT. Everyday I read something different. From what I gathered, to be descent at coding I have to learn Data structures and algorithms (Tried twice, got pretty comfortable then stopped for whatever reason and now I forgot everything) , and design systems , and have descent computer science knowledge and know some discrete math and algebra (apparently, it helps) and be good at design and architecture. How do actual software engineers do this ? This could take me years and years. I don't have that much time. I'm 26. VERY BROKE and need to get a job or make a profitable project asap. I'm such a failure. I have no discipline, no will to really make it and this is why I suck.

The amount of time I made a whole plan with daily milestones in order to be able to code a whole project in 12 months and FAILED. I'm so pathetic. I hate myself.

But this is like my only option, I suck at everything else. I tried graphic design, writing, digital marketing, and I suck at it. Coding is the easiest for me. But it's like I'm doomed. I just can't do it long enough to be good and make something respectable.

I'm probably going to fail again, but here I go, another try. I'm going to follow a roadmap from roadmap.sh , don't know which one yet but probably the Full Stack one. I'll also be lamenting and feeling sorry for myself here. Hope this time I'll make it. I have 12 months. Fingers crossed.

And I KNOW I won't be a software whiz in 12 months. But like just enough to build a tiny little projects that a few people find useful and I'll be VERY HAPPY.

Lya (not my real name btw)