1:1s are for personal connection, not project updates

I use recurring 1:1s as a space for me to reflect with my reports about their life at work. I want to surface sensitive frustrations, feelings about the team, the managerial relationship, and the company, and to get to know my reports personally.

I learned all this from Sue Odio, our COO at Stellate. Andreas Klinger also wrote about his 1:1 philosophy, which is similar.

My script for the first 1:1 with a new direct report

1:1s are a space for us to reflect about how you’re feeling about your life at work.

I ask the same standard questions that flow from you to the company every time (see my template below), which are really just there to prompt your mind and surface potentially interesting reflections, feelings, and discussion topics.

We won’t go through all of them every time, nor will we always have something to talk about for each one. Feel free to come prepared with discussion topics or questions if you have something on your mind.

What we talk about and what we don’t talk about is fuzzy, but there are two things that I will never bring up in a 1:1 to ensure it stays a safe place for us to reflect:

1. Project or status check-ins

2. Performance conversations (e.g., performance improvement plan or promotion)

Of course, if you have something that’s on your mind regarding a project, your performance, your career, or similar comes up, I’d love to talk about it. But, as the manager, I need to make sure that I have dedicated other spaces for project and performance conversations.

Template: 1:1 questions

1. Direct report personally

2. Direct report at work

3. Our managerial relationship

4. The team

5. The company

The questions:

• What’s top-of-mind for you?

• Personally

  • How are you feeling?

    • How are you feeling, really?

  • How are you doing (outside of work)?

  • What are you excited about in life right now?

• Personally at work

  • How do you feel about the value that you bring to the company?

  • What are you spending your time on that depletes your energy?

  • What are you spending your time on that is energizing?

• The managerial relationship

  • Are you getting enough feedback from me?

  • What can I do to better support you & be a partner to you?

• The team

  • How are you feeling about the team?

  • What can we do to improve our team dynamic?

  • Anything you long for, for our team?

• The company

  • How are you feeling about the company?

  • Do you have clarity on our Vision/Mission/Values?

  • Do you have clarity on our strategy?

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