Do Something Great & Tick Tick Boom

What’s Up

It's been way too long since I worked on any personal projects! The last time I did, I was fresh out of university and job hunting. Can’t believe it's been almost four years since then!

During this time, a lot has happened:

• I found a much better job in 2022, right after COVID and before the global hiring slowdown. I was lucky to survive the brutal retrenchment exercise that happened six months after I joined the company.

• I bought a home, and after six long months of renovation works, I finally moved in with my partner.

• I got married!

• I recently celebrated my 30th birthday with an intimate party organised by my dear wife, along with my family and closest friends.

Amidst all of this busyness in my life, I must say that several of what would have been my “lower priorities” have been pushed back. But today, after a long time to pause and relax, I finally gathered enough momentum to start this blog, which I hope will be a spark leading to something bigger.

Tick, Tick... Boom!

A couple of months before I turned 30, my wife took me to watch a local stage production of the famous musical Tick, Tick... Boom! The musical is a semi-autobiographical work about Jonathan Larson, a struggling composer nearing 30 (coincidentally), who grapples with his fears of failure and the pressure to succeed in New York City's theatre scene. There is also a 2021 film adaptation of the musical by the same name, which I would highly recommend to anyone.

I Could Really Relate To..

In the musical, Jon grapples with the the stark reality of the challenges facing aspiring musical writers in the highly competitive theatre scene in New York. Adding to Jon's dilemma, his best friend Michael, a former struggling actor, had abandoned his artistic dreams for a high-paying job in advertising. The musical includes a funny scene where Jon visits Michael's new penthouse apartment.

Through exaggerated performances, the scene comically showcases the lavish lifestyle Michael has achieved since leaving the arts. However, it simultaneously serves as a stark reminder to Jon of the comfortable life he's forsaking in pursuit of his dreams. The contrast between Michael's success and his own struggles is both amusing and unsettling, effectively highlighting Jon's internal conflict.

Despite the apparent advantages of Michael's path, the musical poignantly illustrates the depth of their friendship and Michael's belief in Jon's unique talent. In a particularly moving scene, when Jon is on the verge of giving up after failing his largest musical workshop to date, Michael delivers a powerful statement that encapsulates the heart of the story:

Do you know how many mediocre actors there are in New York? Thousands. Do you know how many Jonathan Larsons there are in the world?” he asks, raising a single finger and staring back into his friend’s soul. “One.”

This moment serves as a turning point, reaffirming Jon's resolve and the value of his artistic journey. The musical comes full circle as the narrator reveals that Jon's next project would be Tick, Tick... Boom! itself, underscoring the autobiographical nature of the work and Jon's eventual breakthrough in his craft.

While watching the musical, I felt a strong connection to the main character Jonathon Larson. It wasn't just because we were both approaching our 30th birthdays, but also because the musical made me reflect on my own dreams and motivations to succeed.

Obviously Things Are Very Different For Me

I currently hold a high-paying job that provides for most of life's basic necessities and affords me occasional luxuries. By most measures, my life is comfortable, and I am content with what I have. However, I can't shake the feeling that I could be achieving more.

In terms of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, my basic requirements are largely met. Yet, I find myself lacking in the realms of self-actualisation and esteem. The sense of accomplishment and prestige I crave remains elusive, and I feel as though I'm far from reaching my full potential.

Moreover, while my current situation ensures financial stability and comfort, I worry that I've succumbed to complacency, allowing the ease of my present circumstances to lull me into stagnation. Rather than feeling liberated by my comfort, I find myself feeling trapped within it, hesitant to venture beyond the familiar boundaries of my current life.

Looking back, the reason that Michael’s words to Jon resonates so well with me is that in my heart, I wonder if I will end up being an average person, or be someone able to achieve something great like Jonathan Larson.

Today, I question my calling towards software engineering, and my eventual ceilings in this industry. I feel like I am not good enough to be a 10x engineer. But also feel like I enjoy doing it well enough to see it as my lifelong career. But what about “doing something great”? I wonder.

I am Afraid

• I'm afraid of losing my high-paying job

  • I am afraid I will have to compete with hungrier and an oversupply of more skilled graduates in today’s cutthroat job market

  • I am afraid that I will be replaced by AI with my basic software engineering skills and I feel like I need to be so so so much better

• I feel like I have not achieved enough in my career for me to feel proud of myself.

  • The past two years have been mainly cruising for me in my job, and I rationalised that as deprioritising my career for the more important life events that were happening.

  • Now that my home renovation and wedding are over, what am I going to do to accelerate my career? How can I make myself proud of my job? If nothing happens now, then was I just making excuses for myself?

• I struggle to be disciplined

  • Perhaps one of the things I find most difficult is to consistently solve LeetCode questions. Even knowing that it is essential in landing my next high-paying job, I am unable to muster the discipline.

Let’s Do This

I will end this blogpost with a positive spin and share a LinkedIn post that I saw from Asim Quresih.

Perhaps the important thing is not to be paralysed by fear, but to be driven by action. Let this be the spark and the start of something bigger.