On negotiating

How to improve negotiation skills

1. Positions vs Interests

   1. Focus on interests instead of positions. Ask “Why?”. Why does a person want something so strongly.

   2. Show care by be understanding the other person.

   3. Be open, talk openly. This applies to both sides.

2. Use fair standards

   1. Unbiased rules which don’t include personal outlooks.

   2. Avoids conflict and arguments.

3. Invent options for mutual gain

   1. All involved parties might not need the exact outcome.

      1. Definition of success might be different for all.

      2. Differences aren’t always a bad thing; might lead to creative outcomes where all parties are content.

   2. Separate brainstorming from selection.

4. Separate the people from the problem

   1. Person first - negotiators are people-first.

   2. Be soft on the person, hard on the problem.

      1. Don’t harm the relationship.

         1. Pay attention to what you want.

         2. Do not hurt egos - yours or others’.

      2. Complement and appreciate effort.

   3. Informal interactions beforehand help.

Not everything goes well - other side might not play by fair rules

1. Use of dirty/pressure tactics

   1. Call out directly, remembering the above 4 skills

2. Other side has big guns (more power over you than other way around)

   1. Recognize B.A.T.N.A - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

   2. Eg. interviewing with no job offers vs 2 job offers.

   3. The difference is power

3. Personal attacks

   1. Use Negotiation Jujitsu - side step their attacks, ask “Why?”.

   2. Ask for their advice.

   3. Invite criticism instead of defending their ideas.

Lastly, asking “Who’s winning” in a negotiation is like asking it in a marriage. If you find yourself with it, you’ve missed the point.