The Psychology Behind Effective Mentorship In Tech - Part 1

Mentorship is a relationship where an experienced, knowledgeable, and well-connected person, called the mentor, shares their expertise and insights with a less experienced person, the mentee, in a specific profession. This exchange allows the mentor to guide the next generation, ensuring the transfer of best practices and valuable industry knowledge. In return, the mentee receives essential support and guidance, showing their readiness to advance in their career while benefiting from the mentor's expertise and connections. Both parties thrive in this mutually beneficial relationship, promoting growth, development, and ongoing excellence in their field.

The best mentoring is reciprocal, benefiting both the mentor and the mentee. Although at first glance, it seems that the mentee gets the main benefit, this is only one side of the coin. Seniors who take on the role of mentors feel gratified when they enable juniors to grow and succeed in management and career progression.

Finding a mentor for professional guidance, advice, and learning is highly valued in the tech industry. However, it's important to talk about the pitfalls that both mentors and mentees should avoid. A mentor-mentee relationship should benefit both parties. In today's world, this dynamic can sometimes become one-sided, with potential issues arising for both the mentor and the mentee.

Challenges Of Mentorship In Tech

For Mentees:

1. Unrealistic expectations: Mentoring relationships can suffer greatly from unrealistic expectations and assumptions. Mentees might expect more help and guidance from their mentors than is reasonable. For example, some mentees might expect mentors to provide basic tools for their jobs, like laptops, data, or other essentials. This expectation can turn the mentoring relationship into an exploitative one, where the mentee relies too much on the mentor, undermining the mutual benefits that true mentorship should provide.

2. Over-dependence: Instead of using mentorship to improve their problem-solving skills, mentees might become too reliant on their mentors, expecting them to solve every problem.

3. Constant Availability: The mentee might irrationally expect the mentor to always be available, solve problems immediately, and directly assist in their career. This can lead to dissatisfaction, disappointment, and dependency.

4. Lack of Effort: A common issue in mentoring relationships is when mentees don't put in enough effort. Some mentees might assume they will be guided at every step and wait passively for their mentors to lead their learning. This lack of action can lead to stagnation, as the mentee misses important opportunities to learn, grow, and explore independently. When mentees don't take initiative, it limits their growth and may also frustrate mentors, who might feel their efforts could be better appreciated and used elsewhere.

5. Career Advancement: It is unrealistic for mentees to expect that their mentors' connections and influence will immediately lead to job offers, promotions, or access to high-profile projects. Mentors can be valuable for referrals, contacts, and advice, but they cannot guarantee professional success. Believing that a mentor alone can secure a job or promotion overlooks the mentee's responsibility in their own career growth. Additionally, relying too much on a mentor for career advancement can lead to complacency. Mentees may miss out on developing important skills needed for long-term success, such as persistence, networking, and self-promotion.

6. Manipulation: When mentees refuse to take responsibility for their choices or behaviors, they often blame their mentors. This usually involves excuses like "My mentor suggested I do it this way," allowing the mentee to avoid accountability. This behavior is problematic, especially if the mentee's manager is involved. It can create tension between the manager and the mentor, damaging the mentor's credibility and potentially harming professional relationships.

For Mentors:

1. Quick Outcomes: Mentors often expect their mentees to show results immediately and fully embrace their advice and guidance. However, this expectation might not be realistic. Expecting instant results can put too much pressure on mentees, causing frustration and lowering their confidence. Mentors need to recognize that learning is a process that includes setbacks and that progress takes time. They should celebrate small achievements, provide ongoing support, and be patient as mentees develop their skills at their own pace, rather than demanding quick solutions.

2. Full Engagement: Mentors often assume that their mentees will always be fully engaged, proactive, and highly receptive to their guidance and feedback. They may overlook the fact that mentees have their own lives, schedules, and learning paces.

3. Harmful Reliance on the Mentee: It's important to maintain a balanced mentor-mentee relationship. Sometimes, mentors might unintentionally rely on their mentees for support, could be emotional support, which can hinder the mentee's growth and learning. This shift in dynamics can create an unhealthy environment where the mentee feels more obligated to provide support rather than focusing on their own development.

Strategies for Effective Mentorship

For Mentees:

1. Managing Expectations: Work with your mentor to set realistic goals and clear expectations from the beginning. Understand that mentorship is a partnership where both sides work towards growth. Be proactive in advancing your learning and career. Seek out resources, ask questions, and take responsibility for your progress.

2. Independence: Avoid relying on mentoring as a comfort; use it as a guide. Practice problem-solving on your own, utilising the guidance of your mentor as a tool rather than a solution. Develop resources and abilities that are independent of your mentor. This covers professional growth, networking, and ongoing education.

3. Respecting Boundaries: Recognize that mentors have personal commitments. Be mindful of their availability when scheduling meetings or communication. Seeking advice is important, but it's also essential to respect the mentor's time and workload.

4. Active Participation and Professional Growth: Engage actively in discussions, provide feedback, and fully commit to your learning journey. Show appreciation for your mentor's efforts. Use the mentor's connections and guidance, but also take the initiative to seek and create your own professional opportunities (Find your own pond to fish in, rather than fishing in someone else's).

For Mentors:

1. Establishing Boundaries: Clearly define what is expected from both sides in your mentoring relationship, as well as the limits of the partnership. Do not use the mentee’s work to achieve your own goals. Acknowledge the mentee's responsibilities and schedule, and avoid setting unrealistic demands on their time and effort.

2. Encouraging Steady Growth: Instead of expecting instant results, celebrate small victories. Provide mentees with constructive feedback and encouragement as they develop their skills, understanding that progress takes time. Patience and support are essential as mentees navigate their learning journey.

3. Promote Self-reliance: Encourage mentees to take the initiative and solve problems on their own to build self-reliance. Instead of giving them answers immediately, guide them through the learning process and offer constructive feedback that supports their growth.

4. Create a productive and healthy balance: Strive for a relationship that benefits both sides and allows growth, ensuring that neither party feels overwhelmed emotionally or professionally.

To provide effective mentoring in tech, both mentors and mentees need to overcome several challenges. Mentees should manage unrealistic expectations, avoid becoming too dependent, and actively participate in their learning. Mentors should be patient with their mentees' progress, avoid unfair manipulation, and set clear boundaries.

By using the strategies we've discussed in this part of the article, mentors and mentees can build a relationship that benefits both sides. This balanced approach ensures that the mentoring experience supports both professional and personal growth. Remember, your effort and clarity in this relationship will determine its success, and what you learn will benefit you and others throughout your career.