What Makes A Man Real?

Art has a way of challenging the norms we take for granted. It forces us to pause and reflect, to see things from a different perspective. When I first saw Honesty by Annah Lot Nkyalu, I was struck by its message about masculinity and vulnerability. It made me question the rigid ideas society has placed on what it means to be a man.

Biography

Annah Lot Nkyalu (b.1997) is a Tanzanian figurative visual artist and art facilitator. She specializes in ink drawings, a skill she honed during her studies. Her work, built through layers of pen strokes, reflects societal struggles and strength, particularly focusing on youth. Annah’s art has been exhibited in Uganda, Canada, Zambia, and Germany. She has won multiple awards, including the Tanzania Fine Artists Competition (2019) and a residency in Ireland supporting children with cancer (2023). Currently, she is based in Dar es Salaam.

What’s Special?

What immediately fascinated me about Annah’s work was her choice of medium ballpoint pen. Unlike other art tools that allow for erasures and corrections, every stroke of a pen is permanent. This means the artist has to be incredibly precise and confident in every line they draw. It’s amazing how she transforms an everyday object into something so powerful and expressive, whether on a canvas or wooden boards.

What Makes A Man Real?

Flowers in relationships are often seen as symbols of tenderness and emotion. When a man is shown holding and smelling flowers, it challenges the traditional belief that men should always be tough and unemotional. This artwork questions those stereotypes and asks: why should sensitivity and emotional openness be seen as weaknesses?

There’s a serious issue in society where men are discouraged from expressing emotions. Studies show that men, on average, live shorter lives than women, often because they suppress their struggles rather than seek help. From a young age, they are taught to “man up,” never to openly admit they are emotionally short, as a man you cannot cry no matter how sad you are, a man should always have solutions, a man cannot fail. Opening up about how bad you feel is seen as a weakness. You feel stressed or overwhelmed ? As a man, you cannot talk about it, especially with a woman, whether your wife or girlfriend. As a man, you cannot seek advice about a decision you want to make, just decide, no matter how foolish it may be. A strong man bears the bad consequences of his actions, even if he could have avoided them in the first place.

This mindset plants the roots of more stress, loneliness, and untreated mental health issues.

Many books have challenged these ideas. Mark Manson, in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*, puts it simply:

“Being vulnerable or being okay with being seen as weak is in itself a strength.”

Similarly, in The Mask of Masculinity, Lewis Howes explores how men hide behind emotional masks to fit societal expectations. He argues that true strength comes from embracing vulnerability and forming deeper connections. (Source)

Another important book, Man Kind: Tools for Mental Health, Well-Being, and Modernizing Masculinity by Zachary Gerdes, discusses how traditional masculinity can limit men's emotional health. He provides tools to break free from outdated beliefs and embrace a healthier, more balanced identity. (Source)

A study published in the American Journal of Men’s Health highlights that rigid masculine norms contribute to mental health struggles. The research suggests that moving toward a more open, flexible understanding of masculinity leads to better emotional well-being. (Source)

Honesty is a powerful reminder that true strength comes from being human, not from hiding emotions.

The Art of the Art

Annah’s shading technique is incredible. The details in the dreadlocks, the texture of the fabric, and the depth in the drawing make the artwork feel alive. And she did all of this using just a pen no room for mistakes, no shortcuts.

Her choice to include flowers is brilliant. You can see a man who is letting his guard down, embracing something delicate. This small yet meaningful detail speaks volumes about the need to break free from outdated ideas about masculinity.

Why This Matters

Men’s mental health is a crisis that’s often overlooked. Many men struggle alone because they fear being judged if they show vulnerability. This artwork forces us to ask: what truly makes a man real? Is it being strong all the time, or is it the ability to be open, to ask for help, to admit struggles?

Being a real man isn’t about fitting into old stereotypes, it’s about being human.

Other Works

For over five years, Annah has mastered the use of ballpoint pens to create stunning, thought-provoking pieces. Her portfolio is filled with incredible artwork, and you can explore more of her work Here (link to portfolio) or on Instagram at @Annahnkyalu.