SupaBrain – When Supabase Got Too Fast

In the world of databases, speed is usually a virtue. But what happens when your database is so lightning fast that it leaves developers questioning reality? Enter Supabase, a platform so performant that queries finish their work before you even have time to sip your coffee. To playfully address this problem, we built SupaBrain—a Trusted Language Extension (TLE) for PostgreSQL that brings the mind-bending power of BrainFuck right into your database. Who needs traditional SQL when you can execute a language designed to baffle even the most seasoned engineers?

Why BrainFuck? Why Not?

PostgreSQL has long been celebrated for its extensibility. So why stick with conventional languages like SQL, PL/pgSQL, or even Python when you can support something as esoteric as BrainFuck? With its minimalist syntax (just 8 commands) and unparalleled debugging experience where every error is considered a feature, BrainFuck offers:

• Minimalist syntax: Finally, a language where SELECT * is far too verbose.
• Unparalleled debugging experience: Errors in BrainFuck keep you on your toes—every mistake is practically an art form.
• Legacy compatibility: Perfect for those rare moments when you need to integrate with systems dating back to the era of teleprinters.

Introducing the brainfuck() Function

The crown jewel of SupaBrain is the brainfuck(code text, input text) function, which lets you execute BrainFuck code directly within PostgreSQL using PLV8. Here’s a simple example:

SELECT brainfuck(',[.[-],]', 'Hello!');

This snippet will output "Hello!" -- right after PostgreSQL takes a brief existential pause.

The Code Behind the Magic

Below is the full implementation of the brainfuck() function:

CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION brainfuck(code text, input text)
 RETURNS text
 LANGUAGE plv8
 IMMUTABLE STRICT
AS $function$
  var tokens = {
    ".": "output += String.fromCharCode(tape[pointer]);",
    ",": "tape[pointer] = input.length ? input.shift().charCodeAt(0) : 0;",
    "<": "pointer = pointer ? pointer - 1 : 255;",
    ">": "pointer = (pointer + 1) % 256;",
    "-": "tape[pointer] = tape[pointer] ? tape[pointer] - 1 : 255;",
    "+": "tape[pointer] = tape[pointer] ? (tape[pointer] + 1) % 256 : 1;",
    "[": "while(tape[pointer]){",
    "]": "}"
  };
  if (!input) {
    input = "";
  }
  var inner_code = "";
  for (var i=0; i<code.length; i++){
    if (tokens[code[i]]) {
      inner_code += tokens[code[i]] + "\n";
    }
  }
  var js_code = "input = Array.from(input + '');\nvar output = '';\nvar tape = [];\nvar pointer = 0;\n" + 
    inner_code + "return output;";
  var fn = new Function("input", js_code);
  return fn(input.split(','));
$function$;

This implementation maps each BrainFuck token to a corresponding JavaScript snippet, effectively creating a bridge between BrainFuck and PostgreSQL. By compiling BrainFuck code into JavaScript, SupaBrain enables the execution of esoteric programs in your database.

Real-World "Applications"

While SupaBrain is clearly a tongue-in-cheek experiment, its potential applications are as imaginative as they are impractical:

• Query Optimization:
  Tired of instantaneous results? Implement a BrainFuck-based execution engine to slow things down. Your queries now run with the deliberation of geological time scales.

• Data Encryption (Sort of):
  Secure your data not with advanced cryptography, but with sheer unreadability. If no one can decipher your BrainFuck logic, your secrets are safe by default.

• Hiring Filter:
  Ever been frustrated by a candidate's inability to appreciate complexity? If someone voluntarily writes queries in BrainFuck, congratulations—you’ve likely found your next 10x engineer.

Performance Considerations (or Lack Thereof)

Traditional SQL queries finish in milliseconds. With BrainFuck, you’re invited to experience time in a whole new dimension.

Why do:

-- 0.1ms 
SELECT 1;

When you can:

-- 1.7 billion years
SELECT brainfuck('[-]+>[-]+>[-]+>[-]+>[-]+>[-]+<<[>>>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<[>>>>+>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<[>>+>>>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[>>>>>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>+>>>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[>>>>>[-]+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++>[-]+>[-]+>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<[>>>>+>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<[>>+>>>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[<<<<<<<<.>>>>>>>>[-]]>>[[-]]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[-]]>>[[-]]>>>>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+>>>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[>>>>>[-]++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++>[-]+>[-]+>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<[>>>>+>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<[>>+>>>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[<<<<<<<<.>>>>>>>>[-]]>>[[-]]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[-]]>>[[-]]>>>>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+>>>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[>>>>>[-]++++++++++>[-]+>[-]+>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<[>>>>+>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<[>>+>>>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]>>>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<[>>>>>+>+<<<<<<-]>>>>>>[<<<<<<+>>>>>>-]>[-]+>[-]>[-]<<<<[>>>+>+<<<<-]>>>>[<<<<+>>>>-]<[<[-]>[-]]<<<[<<<<<<<<.>>>>>>>>[-]]>>[[-]]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[-]]>>[[-]]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[-]]>>[[-]]<<<<<<<<[-]+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[-]+>[-]>>[-]>[-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+>+<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-]<<[-]>>>[-]<<<<<[>>+>>>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<<[>[<<[-]+>>[-]]<[-]]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<[-]>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[-]<<<<<[<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<+>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>+<<<<<-]>>>>>[<<<<<+>>>>>-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<]
, '');

The performance trade-off is clear: if you desire to truly savor the passage of time, SupaBrain’s execution will ensure that every moment counts. And don’t worry about scalability—if anything, it scales logarithmically… downwards.

Installation: Making PostgreSQL Regret Its Flexibility

Before proceeding, ensure you have the following installed:

• PLV8: Required for running JavaScript code within PostgreSQL.
• Database.dev: Provides access to the PostgreSQL package manager and trusted language extensions (TLE).

Installing the Trusted Language Extension (TLE)

If you don't have the TLE installed already, follow these steps:

-- Install TLE if not already installed
create extension if not exists http with schema extensions;
create extension if not exists pg_tle;
drop extension if exists "supabase-dbdev";
select pgtle.uninstall_extension_if_exists('supabase-dbdev');
select
    pgtle.install_extension(
        'supabase-dbdev',
        resp.contents ->> 'version',
        'PostgreSQL package manager',
        resp.contents ->> 'sql'
    )
from http(
    (
        'GET',
        'https://api.database.dev/rest/v1/'
        || 'package_versions?select=sql,version'
        || '&package_name=eq.supabase-dbdev'
        || '&order=version.desc'
        || '&limit=1',
        array[
            ('apiKey', 'eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpc3MiOiJzdXBhYmFzZSIsInJlZiI6InhtdXB0cHBsZnZpaWZyYndtbXR2Iiwicm9sZSI6ImFub24iLCJpYXQiOjE2ODAxMDczNzIsImV4cCI6MTk5NTY4MzM3Mn0.z2CN0mvO2No8wSi46Gw59DFGCTJrzM0AQKsu_5k134s')::http_header
        ],
        null,
        null
    )
) x,
lateral (
    select
        ((row_to_json(x) -> 'content') #>> '{}')::json -> 0
) resp(contents);
create extension "supabase-dbdev";
select dbdev.install('supabase-dbdev');
drop extension if exists "supabase-dbdev";
create extension "supabase-dbdev";

Installing the BrainFuck TLE

Once the TLE is in place, install the BrainFuck extension:

-- Install the BrainFuck extension using the database package manager
SELECT dbdev.install('mansueli@brainfuck');
CREATE EXTENSION "mansueli@brainfuck"
    SCHEMA public -- You can change it here to something else
    VERSION '4.2.0';

⚠️ Warning: Installing this extension may void your database's warranty.

Example Function Using BrainFuck

Here’s an example that uses the BrainFuck TLE to format a date:

CREATE OR REPLACE FUNCTION public.format_date(input_date timestamp with time zone)
RETURNS text
LANGUAGE plpgsql
IMMUTABLE STRICT
AS $function$
BEGIN
return brainfuck(',>,>,>,>,>,>,<<,>>>,>,>>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]>[-]<<<<<<<<<<[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+++++++>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+++++++++>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+++++++++>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+++++++>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+>[-]>>>>>>>>>>>[-]++++++++++++[-<<<<<<<<<<<++++++++++>>>>>>>>>>>]<<<<<<<<<<<+>[-]>[-]>[-][-]<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.>.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[-][-]>>[-]++++[-<<++++++++++>>]<<+++++++.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.>.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[-][-]>>[-]++++[-<<++++++++++>>]<<+++++++.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<.>.>.>.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>[.>]',input_date::text);
END;
$function$

The Future of SupaBrain

The journey of SupaBrain has just begun. Some exciting ideas for future enhancements include:

• AI-Powered Code Generation:
  Imagine a world where ChatGPT refuses to generate BrainFuck code—simply citing ethical concerns. The irony isn’t lost on us.

• Multi-threaded BrainFuck Execution:
  While PostgreSQL isn’t ready for it yet, we dream of a day when BrainFuck can run concurrently across multiple threads.

• BrainFuck ORM:
  Stay tuned for our BrainFuck Object-Relational Mapping tool. It’s coming soon—just as soon as we figure out how to map tables to tape memory.

Conclusion: The Feature You Never Knew You Didn’t Need

SupaBrain transforms your database experience into something frustratingly unique. Whether it’s for a quirky hiring filter, or simply to prove that just because you can, doesn’t mean you should, SupaBrain has a place in every developer’s toolkit. So, why not give it a try? Or don’t—we promise not to judge.

Happy coding (or decoding)!