While reading leadership books, I thought I had a clear vision of what leading a team would look like. I'd be the visionary making key decisions, providing direction, and steering the ship through stormy waters. I'd have answers.

Then I actually became a leader.

It took several painful quarters, frustrated team members, and honest feedback sessions to realize a fundamental truth about effective leadership in technology organizations:

The moment I stopped providing answers and started asking thoughtful questions was when my team truly began to flourish.

⚙️ The Control Paradox in Technical Leadership

In technical environments where precision matters and mistakes can be costly, the instinct to control outcomes is understandable. I felt it too - that constant urge to jump in, correct course, and ensure everything aligned with my vision.

But here's what I discovered: the tighter I gripped control, the more I became the bottleneck. Ideas flowed through me rather than from the team. Innovation slowed. Ownership diminished.

The paradox revealed itself clearly: by trying to control everything, I controlled less.

🎭 The Coaching Transformation

My leadership philosophy transformed when I began approaching my role as a coach rather than a commander. This shift manifested in several profound ways:

From providing solutions to asking powerful questions

Instead of saying "Here's how we should architect this system," I began asking "What approaches have you considered? What are the tradeoffs you see?"
From directing work to creating clarity

Rather than assigning detailed tasks, I focused on ensuring everyone understood our objectives and constraints, then trusted them to determine the best path forward.
From speaking first to listening deeply

I practiced being the last person to speak in meetings, creating space for diverse perspectives and emerging ideas.
From judging performance to cultivating growth

Performance evaluations transformed from assessments of past work to collaborative explorations of development opportunities.

🏆 The Unexpected Results

This coaching approach yielded outcomes I never anticipated:

Team members began solving problems I didn't even know existed
The quality of solutions surpassed what I could have devised alone
People developed capabilities faster than under directive management
Innovation increased as psychological safety grew
Retention improved as people felt genuine ownership and growth

Perhaps most significantly, I found myself energized rather than exhausted at day's end. By distributing cognitive load across the team rather than carrying it myself, leadership became sustainable.

📈 The True Measure of Leadership Success

The greatest insight came when I realized that authentic leadership success isn't measured by what happens when you're present, but by what happens when you're absent.

When a team functions brilliantly during your vacation, when they navigate complex challenges without escalation, when they feel the pride of saying "we solved this ourselves" - that's when you know your coaching approach is working.

Real leadership creates this powerful sentiment within team members: "I accomplished this because of my capabilities and efforts, but I developed those capabilities because you created the environment for me to grow."

This balance - where people own their success while acknowledging the supportive context - represents the beautiful duality of coaching-centered leadership.

🪜 Your Leadership Evolution

I'm curious: have you experienced this transition from control to coaching? What catalyst sparked your own transformation?

If you resonate with this coaching approach to leadership, share the question that has proven most powerful in your toolkit.

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Leadership Is Less About Control & More About Coaching: The Journey That Transformed My Management Style