Why Are You Still Following Me?

Hi, I’m Rudraksh.
An unemployed guy.
Just kidding—unemployed only since last year.
Also the guy who denied a $400 freelance deal because I had “bigger plans.”
Now I'm sitting here with a headache, typing this, wondering what the hell I’m doing.

Fifteen days ago I was in the hospital—24 hours admission. No accident. No virus. Just… burnout.
Physical. Mental. Existential.

Right now, as I type, my head feels like it’s on fire.
But no, this isn’t another "use this tool to boost productivity" article.
I’m not giving you ChatGPT prompts, startup ideas, or growth hacks.

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This is Not a Tech Article. This is a Survival Note.

Last year, I passed out of college full of hope and fire.
I started hustling—content, clients, personal projects, big dreams.
Six products. Three clients.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
All failed.
One after the other like some sick Netflix episode called “Rudraksh: The Collapse.”

2025 came.
And with it—self-destruction.

I started mind-masturbating—overthinking, overdreaming, underdoing.
Stopped creating.
Stopped posting.
Stopped connecting.

I lost 10 kg.
I lost my ability to think clearly.
I packed myself into a room.
No conversations. No dopamine.
No version updates—just version decay.

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The Tech Dream Turned into a Psychological Trap

They say “keep hustling.”
But what if hustle becomes a cage?

Every day I scrolled Twitter, watched others post their 10k/month success screenshots, their GitHub stars, their AI apps that “blew up overnight.”

And here I was—silent, stuck, broken.
No clarity. No consistency.
Just depression disguised as “figuring things out.”

I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.
I’m saying this because this is what tech does when it eats you alive.

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This Is Not a Comeback Post. I’m Still in the Mess.

I’m not ending this article with:

“...but now I’m back stronger than ever 💪”

No. I’m still recovering.
Still healing.
Still doubting myself.
Still waking up wondering if I’ve wasted my time.

But maybe, just maybe, this is part of the process.
Not the sexy startup part.
Not the conference speaker part.
The ugly, chaotic, real part that no YouTuber will ever make a reel about.

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If You’re Reading This…

And you feel like you’re drowning in ideas but too scared to start.
Or you failed and now you're scared to try again.
Or you just don’t feel anything anymore.

I get it.
You’re not alone.

Sometimes surviving is the real win.

No CTA. No email signup.
Just me. Broken. Still breathing.
Trying to rebuild.

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