About a year into working at a new company, I was asked to lead one of our internal projects. It was an exciting opportunity, with high visibility and even higher expectations. One of the C-level leaders was loosely involved—checking in from time to time, helping shape the direction.

And that’s when I met… the “Hey.”

It would land in my Slack like this:

“Hey”

I’d see the little message bubble pop up, and respond right away—“Hi! 👋 What’s up?”—and then… silence. Nothing. No reply for hours. Sometimes, not until the next day.

Now, maybe for some people that’s fine. But for me—a Millennial with ADHD—this was a one-word trigger that sent my mind into a spiral.

Did I do something wrong?
Am I in trouble?
Did I miss a deadline?
Did I offend them somehow?

I’d sit there trying to carry on with my day, but my brain was running in the background like a CPU maxed out at 100%. And when the reply finally came? It was something completely normal—“Hey, can you help me find the link to that doc?” or “Quick question on the feature flags.”

No drama. No problem. Just… a lot of internal noise in the silence.

Why Do People Send “Hey”… and Then Nothing?

Let’s be honest—most people don’t mean any harm. Sending a quick “Hey” feels natural to many, especially if you're used to casual chats where a bit of back-and-forth is the norm.

Here are a few reasons this happens:

It’s a habit. Some folks are just easing into the convo, like walking into a room and saying “hi” before diving in.
They’re multitasking. They type “Hey” and get pulled into something else. Poof—now you’re hanging in suspense.
They want to gauge availability. Like knocking on a door before speaking.
Power dynamics. This one’s tricky. Sometimes leaders (often unintentionally) create tension by holding back context.

But here’s the problem: in asynchronous digital spaces like Slack, where tone and body language are missing, a lone “Hey” feels less like a door knock and more like a vague siren in the distance. It starts a conversation... without actually starting it.

Why It’s So Triggering

For neurodivergent folks (like those with ADHD or anxiety), open loops are mental quicksand. When something feels unresolved or ambiguous, our brains fill in the gaps—usually with worst-case scenarios.

For younger generations who grew up with MSN, BBM, or early WhatsApp etiquette, “Hey” messages often came with tension. “We need to talk.” “I saw your post.” “Why did you say that?”

So even today, when a “Hey” lands in Slack, our bodies remember. It activates that old “uh-oh” reflex.

Layer in workplace dynamics—maybe you’re new, or trying to prove yourself, or talking to someone senior—and that single word can hit like a freight train of overthinking.

How We Can Do Better

This isn’t about policing how people talk. It’s about being more aware of how our small habits ripple through different kinds of minds and backgrounds. A little clarity can go a long way in making someone feel safer and more focused.

If you’re the one sending messages:

Lead with context.
Instead of: “Hey”
Try: “Hey, quick one—do you have the doc from last week’s retro?”
Don’t make people wait. If you’re not ready to chat, wait until you are before opening the door.
Be especially mindful when messaging reports or newer teammates. Power dynamics amplify ambiguity.

If you're receiving these messages:

It's okay to ask: “Hey! What’s on your mind?”
Set boundaries or preferences if it’s a pattern: “Hey, I find it easier when there's a bit more context upfront. Otherwise, my brain fills in wild stories 😅.”

If you're leading a team:

Talk about communication norms openly.
Everyone comes from different cultural, generational, and neurodiverse backgrounds.
Create space to ask: “What kind of messages stress you out?”
You might be surprised at the answers—and how easily they can be avoided.

A Message to the “Hey”-Senders

We get it—you’re busy. Or thoughtful. Or just trying to be polite. But for many of us, that lone “Hey” is more than a greeting—it’s a mental landmine.

So next time, take the extra 5 seconds and just… say the thing.
Your clarity might be the kindest thing you do all day.

Just Say It: Why the “Hey” Message Triggers Me (And Many Others)