Rest Is Not a Reward: On Mental Health, Nature, and Burnout

Right now, I’m lying in a hammock at a house we own in a remote village in my home country of Bulgaria 🇧🇬, far away from the mainland and people. The nearest neighbor is a few kilometers away. It’s quiet here — the kind of quiet that gives your thoughts space to breathe.

And I didn’t realize how much I needed this.

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The Downward Spiral No One Sees

After my last layoff, I threw myself into self-improvement. I studied, coded, practiced, rebuilt my portfolio, learned new tools. The motivation was real — I wanted to keep moving, stay relevant, stay sharp.

But somewhere along the way, I started to unravel.

The long hours at the screen turned into days. The pressure to do more turned into constant tension. Intrusive thoughts started creeping in. I began overanalyzing everything — second-guessing myself, replaying scenarios, trying to control outcomes I couldn’t.

"What if this isn’t enough?"
"What if I’m falling behind?"
"Why do I feel worse the harder I work?"

These thoughts don’t always show up as panic. Sometimes they come as a slow, quiet heaviness. A sense of being stuck in your own head, spiraling.

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You Can’t Out-Grind Burnout

In tech, we romanticize the grind — late nights, endless learning, hustle culture. But no one talks about what it costs.

You can hit every goal and still feel hollow. You can make real progress and still feel like you’re drowning. Because productivity means nothing if your mind is at war with itself.

At some point, I realized I wasn’t just tired — I was mentally foggy, emotionally burnt out, and disconnected from everything outside of my work.

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Nature Reminded Me I’m Human

Coming out here — away from screens, away from expectations — felt almost uncomfortable at first. Like I had forgotten how to rest.

But little by little, it helped.

• Waking up without an alarm

• Walking barefoot through overgrown paths

• Listening to nothing but wind and birds

• Doing things with no “end goal” in mind

This distance gave me perspective. It reminded me that rest isn’t something you earn — it’s something you need. Constant output without recovery isn’t dedication. It’s self-neglect.

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Rebuilding with Intention

I’m still committed to my growth. Still learning. Still ambitious.
But now I see that downtime isn’t a distraction — it’s a form of maintenance. A safeguard.

Mental health isn’t optional in this field. Especially when you're working remotely, solo, or learning on your own. The risk of burnout is real — and it sneaks up quietly.

Success means nothing if it comes at the cost of your clarity, peace, or identity.

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Final Thought

If you're reading this and you’ve been stuck in your head, glued to your screen, always trying to “catch up” — let this be your sign:

Step away. Touch grass. Feel air. Let silence in.

Not because you’ve finished the sprint, but because you're not meant to run without rest.

Take care of your mind — that’s the real long-term investment.

— G.