Unveiling Truth : Snakes & Ladders

I came from a middle-class Hindu family background, but I’ve always had a sense of skepticism towards religious practices and social norms. I’m not a religious person. I’ve always been a truth seeker—questioning things and not simply accepting the immediate norms presented by society. Not in an explicit, confrontational way, but I’ve always known these norms are not the ultimate truth.

After my Diploma in tool and die making, at the end of my one-year internship at Tata Motors, I had a desire to go to Germany for higher studies. It felt like the right place for my engineering background. But I couldn’t go—my father wasn’t very supportive in that direction. Even though I explained him regardless, I ended up joining a college near to where parents’ live.

Existential Crisis:

The college and environment was a completely different environment from what I wanted. The people around me, and their overall approach to education, were hard to adjust to. I had a little more exposure and awareness than what that place offered. Their approach was very controlling and disciplined—almost like military-style education. I also noticed that people behaved in the opposite way to the rules, probably out of repression.

I’ve always been very much against authoritarian ways of operating. I value knowledge, awareness and dignity instead of compliance and procedures. I felt really bad for people—how the management treated students without dignity through rigid rules. I knew it wasn’t my place. I felt totally out of alignment with that environment.

During that time, I started reading different books out of my interest and to escape from these rules and regulations, I used to read with e-books in my kindle instead of listening to lectures. I gained so much more knowledge and awareness from those books than from the textbooks. That’s how I felt.

After I graduated, I wanted to attempt GATE exam which is mainly to get into top colleges and other competitive exams, my interest was to gain deep knowledge into engineering irrespective of them. There, I didn’t like keeping hundreds of people in a room and teaching them, students spend tens hours daily to get ranks and I saw many people are attempting again and it was so tough for everybody like they need to study all the time to have a chance. I felt it’s not for me, I started learning skills I like like Adobe software tools, I was helping with different early stage startups with my skills, and they liked my work. I didn’t rank in that exam, it was like keeping most people in a race that most of them can’t win type situation.

After that joined a 10-day Vipassana meditation camp. It was really intensive. There, I met someone who worked in the film industry. He gave me some insight into what’s happening in the world and introduced me to Noam Chomsky’s work. After Vipassana, life felt easy for about 15 days like without difficulties so on, and I got interested in doing more as well.

I started reading what he suggested, and I also shared things I found along the way. That exchange really expanded my understanding.

Seeking Inclusivity:

Later, I began working as a UI/UX Designer after gaining skills post-graduation. It was at a mid-size company, filled with employees from top schools. It was exciting in the beginning. But again, I didn’t like the long hours. Mostly, it was the lack of freedom—I felt like they were spying on us. The founder would take team lectures, pointing out who did what without mentioning names. I felt my personal space and privacy were being intruded upon. I couldn’t even speak openly with friends and family about the job or the company environment, so I resigned for higher studies. I also felt that complying with highly ambitious people and dealing with an inferiority complex was not very inclusive. Likewise, I thought living abroad would give me a chance for equal opportunities and might be more inclusive.

Foreign Experience:

Then, I moved to the UK for higher studies. That experience was wild; I felt good with first impressions. I found it a bit difficult to adjust, especially in the first year. It was also during the Covid period. I had more free time during my studies, which I used to read more and more about everything. I didn’t have part-time jobs for 6 months, but I was experiencing my life abroad overall. I also didn’t like my roommates; I really needed to find like-minded people. I was doing meditations more consistently daily.

In the second half of the semester, I moved to London and began experimenting with different jobs—looking for something that aligned with my passion. I fell in love with London; it had more diversity and richness, but at the same time, it was more expensive than outside London; it felt like constant pressure every month.

It gave me more opportunities to try different things and work in many different places as well.

After many cycles of monthly bill payments, I got used to dealing with cash flow, something I wasn’t used to before. I have hope that I could settle, and my parents and relatives are a little proud of me.

After trying many different jobs, I realized I could reduce my work so much, but yet still I didn’t feel satisfied.

Different Job Experiences:

For part-time jobs, most were filled with subcontractors. The pay was just not enough to save. After having more connections, it led me to some comfortable work. But for many, it requires a lot of physical work in the name of standards. Many of them somehow accepted it because of the dignity or status. I can see all of them. I see many people getting physically exhausted from chasing more money and trying to save. I can understand their situation, but at the same time, their bodies are not relaxed enough to work on something they love.

In professional jobs, I noticed that the stress just shifts from physical to mental. That’s the only difference I saw. I came across this because, for reviews, we need to act and be forced to comply with company rules, and so on. But I found no authenticity overall, and there were also no boundaries. You have to completely submit to the authorities, regardless of how you felt. In return, you’d get decent pay and societal recognition.

I even tried launching my own startup after developing strong skills in software development and design. But I observed that these high-demand skills were becoming outdated every year. It was hard to keep up. Eventually, I realized you can’t do everything yourself. You’d need investments, hire others, and go through different growth stages. It requires a lot of intensive work; if you don’t like it, it won’t work eventually as well, is what I felt.

At the same time, I was reading and researching a lot—trying to understand the Western systems and why things are the way they are.

Systemic Realization:

After reading over 1000 books, living in 20 different houses, doing many jobs in many different places, and working with many nationalities—I came to see that many people are caught in the same system in the name of standards. Some don’t know how to describe these experiences; deep down, they know it’s not right, but still, for the sake of recognition and material comfort, they accepted the rules given by the system.

Overall, I saw that everything is rigged. I had enough. I took more time for introspection, reading, and day-to-day reflections. I realized fulfillment is what matters eventually; this is what I was telling my peers as well. I was just flowing with the system after understanding it all. Furthermore, I also spent a good amount of time with a psychologist—around 6 months, doing many recreational activities like traveling, swimming, etc. The last 6 months, I really enjoyed my life. People around me were also a little jealous of me because of how happy I am without getting caught up in worldly responsibilities, etc. They see that I’m glowing and revitalized, from dullness.

I also felt psychology is not the ultimate solution; it’s only temporary because they are seeing through frameworks. They couldn’t completely solve or heal the patterns I was dealing with. There was a sense of judgment and a subtle “less-than-them” approach; they are not truly caring unless we pay, which is a little off to me as well.

Eventually, I came back to India after my visa expired. I felt I needed some support—that’s what I thought. But it was a really great experience, is what I feel. I came with happy experiences, unlike some of my friends, with a lot of exposure and knowledge of systems.

Spiritual Realization:

At some point, after knowing about materialistic systems, I went to metaphysical, and there I got to know there are more civilizations in the universe beyond Earth. They offered better perspectives on what’s truly going on here, and they gave some solutions, which I compared with many seminal works I read, and it makes more sense.

I came across various military whistleblowers who shared insights into the same things as well. Also, with many channelers and psychics. I gave a shot at what they suggested.

My spiritual process accelerated, and I found my purpose. I did a lot of shadow work. It finally worked out.

It was really life-changing. I was able to heal all the patterns. Life became easier, liberated with ease. But still, outsiders seemed to think I wasn’t enough or judged me externally. Internally, I feel more fulfilled and joyful irrespective of that.

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