How to Break the Cycle of People-Pleasing and Finally “Put Yourself First”

There’s a moment — one of those quiet, sigh-deep moments — when you realize you’ve said “yes” too many times. Maybe it was helping out at work when you were already drowning in tasks. Maybe it was a dinner with friends when all you wanted was to put on your softest pajamas and binge-watch your favorite series on Netflix. Maybe it was picking up the phone when a friend needed to vent — even though your own heart felt like it was running on a 1% battery.

But still, you said yes. Because that’s what you do.

And let me guess — you went home feeling exhausted, not just physically but emotionally drained, like you left little pieces of yourself scattered everywhere.

I know this because I’ve been there. I learned the art of honing in the skill of adapting to diverse personalities and anticipating their needs, often at the expense of asserting my own. And let me tell you… I spent YEARS bending over backward, making myself small, accommodating, agreeable — the girl who never rocked the boat. I thought saying yes would make people love me more. That being nice would keep me safe from rejection, disappointment, and guilt.

Spoiler alert: IT DIDN’T!

Instead, I found myself exhausted, stretched so thin I could barely recognize who I was anymore. And the worst part? NO ONE even noticed how much I was struggling. They just kept asking for more — because that’s what happens when you allow it and never say no. It cost me my job — I left due to exhaustion.

So, if you’re tired of being everyone’s go-to, if you’re done pouring all your energy into others and leaving nothing for yourself, then grab a cup of tea, get cozy, and LET’S TALK about how to break free from the exhausting cycle of people-pleasing.

For many of us — especially women in our 20s, 30s, and 40s — people-pleasing has been stitched into our lives since childhood. Maybe we were raised to be the “good girl” who never spoke out of turn. It isn’t just about being “nice”, because if it were, we wouldn’t be so tired all the time. But honestly, it’s about something deeper, something trickier to untangle. It’s about approval. Safety. A need to be seen as a good, worthy, and lovable woman.

I grew up believing that being “the good girl” meant never saying no. That being agreeable made life easier for everyone else. And it did — for everyone except me.

And you? Trust me… YOU deserve better than that.

When you spend your life making sure everyone else is happy, you don’t leave much room for yourself. And that takes a toll.

Read More: https://peonymagazine.com/wellness/stop-people-pleasing-put-yourself-first/