AWS: Why We Love to Hate the Cloud Giant That Runs the Internet

(And Why We Still Use It Anyway)

In 2025, Amazon Web Services (AWS) hosts everything from Netflix binges to that side-project you swore would only cost $5 a month. But let’s be honest—half the time using AWS feels like wandering through a haunted amusement park run by Jeff Bezos himself. One minute you’re spinning up a simple “hello-world” on EC2, the next you’re staring at a $50,000 bill because someone in Korea is mining Dogecoin on your stolen credentials.

Sound familiar? Below is the unfiltered, tongue-in-cheek guide to the world’s largest collection of “awful” web services—and the very real reasons we can’t quit it.

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The AWS Origin Story: From Volcano Lairs to Vendor Lock-In

According to the lore, AWS was born in 2006 inside Jeff Bezos’ secret volcano base—because of course it was. The grand plan? Hook cash-strapped startups on “free-tier” crack and then ratchet the price once they’re too deep to migrate elsewhere. Sixty-nine thousand four hundred and twenty services later, we’re all paying rent to our cloud landlord and pretending we’re in control.

Key takeaway: AWS isn’t evil; it’s just very, very good at vendor lock-in.

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Service Sprawl: 69,420 Ways to Confuse You

Scroll through the AWS console and you’ll find:

• Acronyms (SQS, SNS, S3)
• Numbers (IoT 1-Click, EC2)
• Planetary puns (Neptune, Aurora, Mars—okay, maybe not Mars yet)
• Subtle jabs (Redshift side-eyeing every other data warehouse)

The naming convention is so chaotic you half-expect a service called AWS-LOL-42 to drop tomorrow. And while the icons are cute, half of them haven’t been updated since the Obama administration.

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The Certification Trap: Get a PhD Before “Hello, World”

Want to spin up a Lambda function? Great—just make sure you’ve passed all 12 specialty certs, memorized the Well-Architected Framework, and sacrificed a small goat to the IAM gods. Otherwise, good luck figuring out why your function times out after 3 seconds.

“An idiot admires complexity; a genius admires simplicity. None of us here are geniuses—that’s why we use AWS.”

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Security—or Lack Thereof

Sign up for an account and BOOM: 500 rogue EC2 instances in Tokyo, all mining Shitcoin. There’s no panic button—you’ll have to:

1. Click each instance individually (bye-bye, weekend).
2. Pray the billing page stops breaking CSS under the weight of a 7-figure balance.
3. Call support and beg for mercy while Bezos sails his $500 million yacht like Emperor Nero.

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UI/UX: A Beautiful Disaster

Every AWS team designs its own interface, so your daily workflow might look like:

• Console A: fresh out of a Bootstrap tutorial
• Console B: 2008 called, it wants its jQuery back
• Console C: actually gorgeous, but good luck finding it again tomorrow

Pro tip: Skip the in-console search. Google and ChatGPT are faster, and they won’t time-out every 15 minutes.

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The Silver Lining: Why We Still Pay the Rent

Yes, AWS is “the world’s largest collection of awful web services.” But it’s also:

• The fastest path from idea to global scale
• The lowest barrier to entry for cash-strapped founders
• The reason your favorite apps exist (Netflix, Airbnb, Slack, etc.)

Without AWS, most startups would still be raising millions just for hardware. Love it or hate it, the cloud giant democratized infrastructure—lock-in and all.

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TL;DR—Our Love-Hate Relationship in 5 Bullets

1. AWS is hilariously complex—like a haunted amusement park of micro-services.
2. Pricing is a trap—free tier today, bankruptcy tomorrow.
3. Security is DIY—unless you enjoy surprise crypto-mining bills.
4. UI/UX is… eclectic—a beautiful Frankenstein of inconsistent design.
5. Yet we stay—because launching globally in minutes still feels like magic.

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Your Next Steps

• New to AWS? Start small (S3 + Lambda) and set billing alerts yesterday.
• Already locked in? Tag your resources and audit monthly—future you will thank you.
• Want to laugh more? Watch the full 100-second roast that inspired this post. Then share it with that friend who still insists on self-hosting their own mail server.

Happy cloud surfing—and may your next AWS bill be ever in your favor!