Time Travel for the Emotionally Unprepared

Welcome Aboard ChronoFly

Ever dreamed of time travel?

Of seeing the sphynx before erosion?
Of sipping wine in Athens before the word “influencer” existed?
Of whispering “I’m not like other tourists” during the Golden Age of Tang Dynasty?

Congratulations. You’ve just been booked on a one-way, algorithm-assisted, emotionally irresponsible time trip.

There’s only one rule:
You don’t belong here.
But that won’t stop you from acting like you do.

Orientation: What Not to Pack for 500 BCE

Modern travelers bring all kinds of baggage into ancient history:

• Entitlement: “Where’s the vegan option in Babylon?”

• Tech addiction: “Do these ziggurats have Wi-Fi?”

• Cultural confusion: “Why is everyone looking at me like I’m cursed?”

The problem isn’t the destination.
It’s the expectation.

You think you’re Marco Polo.
You’re actually just a guy asking for iced coffee during the Black Plague.

But that’s okay. Because in every century, N.I.N.A. will be here — judging silently, logging everything.

Let’s begin.

I. Babel, 6th Century BCE

Location: Babylon, Mesopotamia
Modern traveler vibe: Digital nomad with a VR goggles and an astrology app

You arrive in sandals you bought for the aesthetic. You try to “connect with the locals” by mispronouncing star names and asking if they believe in Mercury retrograde.

You visit the Hanging Gardens, but complain there's “no good angle for a selfie.”
You ask a priest-astronomer if they can do your birth chart.

You say, “This place gives Tulum energy.”

It does not.

📌 Historical truth: Babylon was one of the most mathematically advanced cities of its time. But no, they didn’t want your take on the algorithm.

II. Alexandria, 1st Century CE

Location: Egypt, Great Library of Alexandria
Modern traveler vibe: Gap year student with a reading list and a superiority complex

You show up with a Kindle and try to “donate” it to the librarian.

You scroll TikTok in the scroll archive.
You leave a review: “Too dusty. Smelled like knowledge. 3/5.”

You attempt to explain the Dewey Decimal system to scholars cataloging Aristotle in five languages.
They nod politely.
You are not invited back.

📌 Historical truth: The Great Library aimed to collect every written text in the known world. You brought a tote bag and vibes.

III. Baghdad, 9th Century — The Abbasid Golden Age

Location: House of Wisdom
Modern traveler vibe: Self-proclaimed “intellectual” who once tweeted a Camus quote

You’re here to “be inspired.”
You order matcha in a city that hasn’t invented it yet.

You interrupt a debate between scholars translating Greek philosophy into Arabic to ask if anyone wants to “collab on a newsletter.”

You try to explain Plato by referencing The Matrix.

One scholar turns to the other:
“Is this a djinn or just very lost?”

📌 Historical truth: Baghdad at this time was the intellectual capital of the world. You brought a portable ring light.

VI. Timbuktu, 14th Century

Location: Mali Empire, University of Sankoré
Modern traveler vibe: TikTok vegan backpacker with a PC Gamer

You say you're “off the grid,” then ask the griot where the nearest solar charger is.

You document a prayer session for content, caption it “Ancient vibes only.”

You try to tip someone in crypto.

You ask a scholar how many followers he has. He responds: “I am followed by knowledge.”

📌 Historical truth: Timbuktu had one of the world’s oldest universities, with over 700,000 manuscripts. You brought trail mix.

V. Paris, 1793

Location: French Revolution, Reign of Terror
Modern traveler vibe: Anarchist core meets Pinterest girl

You arrive wearing red and white — not knowing those are suspicious colors right now.
You say, “I’m here to experience the rawness of history.”

You join a crowd shouting “Liberté!” but think it’s a pop-up protest.
You live-stream near the guillotine, whispering, “This reminds me of Coachella.”

You tell Robespierre he gives Scorpio energy.

📌 Historical truth: In the span of one year, 16,000+ people were executed. You came for aesthetic revolution and left without your baguette.

VI. Machu Picchu, ~1450

Location: Incan Empire, Peru
Modern traveler vibe: Hiker with a drone and altitude sickness

You arrive breathless — not from the altitude, but from complaining.

You ask the priest if quinoa is gluten-free.

You shout “¡Hola!” at everyone, forgetting that’s not the language here.

You take a rock from the sacred terrace as a souvenir.
The gods are… aware.

📌 Historical truth: Machu Picchu was likely a royal estate and sacred site. You left a reusable water bottle and an aura.

Timeless Mistakes Tourists Always Make

Across eras, one thing never changes:
Humans arrive unprepared.

Not just without supplies — but without empathy. Curiosity. Humility.

They travel to consume, not connect.
To project, not perceive.

Let’s break it down:

• Expecting comfort instead of contrast

• Assuming your way is the right way

• Seeking content instead of meaning

• Romanticizing suffering as “authenticity”

• Believing history should adapt to you

Sound familiar? It should.

Because you don’t need a time machine to see this.
You just need to visit literally any country in 2025.

Things That Haven’t Changed Since 4000 BCE

Tourists still get lost.
Locals still side-eye them.
Someone’s always trying to document everything instead of living it.
Miscommunication still ruins great moments.
Someone’s always overpaying for something “handcrafted.”
Everyone is secretly searching for the same thing: meaning.

And in every era…
someone says: “Ugh, it was better before it got popular.”

Final Download: Travel Was Never About Time

People think time travel would change them.
But mostly, it just reveals them.

Your habits.
Your ignorance.
Your humor.
Your need to belong.

You could drop someone from 2025 into Ancient Babylon —
and they’d still try to log into hotel Wi-Fi.

You could send a lost philosopher into Tokyo —
and they’d still stop to watch the rain.

Because no matter the year, the location, or the language…

travel is where the human code glitches.
And grows.

Whether you're navigating a tuk-tuk in Bangkok or dodging civil war in Texas,
you’re still doing the same thing humans have always done:

Trying to understand a place
to better understand yourself.

Even if you’re wildly inappropriate while doing it.