Chapter 36: Awakening

Swoosh.

“Ah…”

The divine energy scattered from Renee's palm as she sighed. She felt a wave of shame and apologized to Theresa.

“I’m sorry, I can’t seem to focus today…”

“Don’t apologize,” Theresa said gently. “No one will blame you for a bad day. Just relax.”

Theresa smiled, but she was really observing the emotions that emanated from Renee—a deep shade of pink.

‘It’s getting darker,’ she thought. What started as a vague, fresh feeling was now becoming something more intense.

Theresa had spent her life observing the emotions of others. She could guess what was happening.

‘She's in denial,’ she realized. Renee wasn't just unaware of her feelings; she was actively avoiding them. Theresa had only known Renee for two weeks, but she saw a strong, though clumsy, young girl. The denial seemed out of character.

Theresa’s eyes narrowed. Usually, she stayed out of other people’s lives, but she couldn’t stand to see a girl she liked so much struggle. She felt a dilemma.

She wanted to help, but how? Simply telling Renee about her feelings wouldn't work. The girl needed to find the answer for herself. The best she could do was give Renee a gentle push in the right direction.

With a plan in mind, Theresa smiled at Renee. “Saint,” she said.

“Ah, yes.”

“Are you worried about something?”

Renee fidgeted with her fingers. “Well…”

She was worried, of course. Her head had been in a jumble for days, and the problem was getting more complicated. Should she tell Theresa? It felt like a small, personal issue. Was it okay to bother her with it?

Renee hesitated. She had always believed she had to handle this on her own. Theresa didn't push her, knowing that teenagers often needed time to express themselves.

“It’s not an old woman’s intuition,” Theresa said, taking Renee's hand. “But whenever I look at you, you seem troubled. I hope you’ll let this old lady help you.”

Renee’s fingers trembled. She bit her lip. “Would it be alright if I asked for a little help?”

“As much as you need.”

Renee nodded, but her throat felt tight. She didn’t know how to explain her feelings. The right words wouldn't come.

Theresa, seeing Renee's twitching lips and furrowed brow, chuckled. "Youth," she thought. Finally, she spoke. “Can I take a guess?”

“Huh? Ah, sure!”

“Do you feel a sudden tightness in your chest? Even when you're just sitting around, eating, or lying in bed?”

“Yes! That’s it!” Renee's shoulders shook with surprise. How could Theresa know exactly how she felt without her saying a word?

Theresa continued. “Sometimes it feels like a fireball is in your chest. You might find yourself replaying the same memory over and over, and your head is full of wild thoughts.”

“Yes! Yes, that’s exactly it! I’ve been so frustrated about it lately.” Renee smiled and nodded wildly, relieved to be understood.

“How did you know all that?” she asked, a burst of energy in her voice. “I didn’t even say anything…”

“Years of experience. I also teach kids your age at the academy,” Theresa said, and Renee nodded, remembering where Theresa had been working.

“It's normal for kids your age to daydream. You’re still learning about yourselves. These new feelings can be confusing, so I understand completely.”

“Oh, that’s embarrassing…” Renee lowered her head, but then she sighed. “It’s been getting worse lately. I thought something was wrong with me, but the priests couldn’t find anything.”

Feeling more comfortable, Renee poured out her worries, hoping Theresa could offer a solution.

Theresa nodded, listening intently. “Some of my students have the same symptoms,” she said with a wide smile.

“They do?” Renee’s throat felt dry with anticipation.

“Most of them. And some of them even come to me for advice.”

“So, what’s wrong with me?” she asked, desperately wanting an answer.

Theresa's voice was a little mischievous. “That’s something you have to find out for yourself.”

“What?”

“It’s about your feelings. Even if I told you the answer, it might not be the right one for you. I have to be careful.”

Renee’s face fell. After all that talk, Theresa was avoiding the question.

Theresa chuckled. “I’ll give you a hint. When you feel that way, does something or someone come to mind?”

“Something that comes to mind?”

“It could be an object, a place, or even…” she paused.

Renee leaned forward, hanging on to every word.

“…a person.”

Renee’s entire body went rigid. A wave of embarrassment and shame washed over her. Someone had instantly popped into her mind.

“There’s a saying: To find the cause of a problem, you must first find the common denominator. So, I think that ‘something’ that came to your mind just now is the cause of your discomfort.”

Renee didn’t need to be told. The name Vera echoed in her mind.

Badump. Badump. Her heart started to race. The feeling that had been bothering her had returned. Her face turned bright red, and her body trembled uncontrollably.

Renee clenched her fists. “Well, that… it’s…” she stammered, unable to finish the sentence. She couldn't bring herself to say, "I feel sick when I think about Vera."

Theresa watched, delighted. “The next thing you need to figure out is why it makes you feel strange. That’s what you have to think about.”

“Why…?”

“My students have all sorts of reasons. Some said it was curiosity, some said it was longing, and others said it was just a strange feeling.”

Renee went quiet, thinking. Theresa wanted her to figure out the "why."

“But there’s something surprising,” Theresa continued.

“What’s surprising?”

“The answers, for all of them, end up being very similar.”

“What’s the answer?” Renee asked, her anticipation at its peak.

Theresa smiled. “I won’t tell you. You have to walk this path yourself and find your own answer.”

“But that’s not fair!” Renee said. She felt like Theresa had dangled a solution in front of her only to snatch it away.

Renee’s face was glum. “At least a hint…” she pleaded. She couldn't see Theresa's expression, but her voice hinted at a bigger meaning.

Theresa went on. “Alright, how about a riddle?”

“A riddle?”

“Yes. The answer won't be enough, but I think it’s close to what you’re looking for.”

Theresa took a breath. “It’s the most straightforward emotion in the world. For many, it reminds them of countless things. It can turn the bravest person into a coward and the most disloyal into a devoted servant.”

Renee tilted her head, confused.

“It can be directed at a friend, an enemy, or even someone you just met. It rarely distinguishes between people or situations and blends easily with other emotions, so it's often misunderstood.”

Theresa grinned at Renee’s puzzled expression.

“It’s an emotion of great pride and nobility. It’s born without a reason but constantly makes you seek one.”

She asked, with a laugh in her voice, “That's the riddle. Our next lesson is in three days. Can I expect to hear an answer from you by then?”

“Oh, I’ll try!” Renee nodded, still dazed. But as soon as she said it, she regretted it.

‘Ah…’ she thought.

‘I didn’t understand a single thing.’

She had answered confidently, but she felt completely lost. Her head dropped, and her eyes closed in frustration. The riddle was too hard.