Chapter 37: Awakening

Two days later, inside her room, Renee leaned into the hands of the attendants. She let out a deep sigh, still fixated on Theresa’s riddle.

‘This is so hard,’ she thought. She had spent the last two days trying to solve it, but she was nowhere near an answer.

She couldn’t ask anyone for help. Or, more accurately, she didn’t have the courage to. Asking for help with the riddle would mean she'd have to talk about her personal problems, and she didn't want anyone to know her turmoil was caused by Vera.

She couldn't explain why, but the thought of telling someone felt incredibly embarrassing. Because of this, she had to handle her worries alone, and now she was stuck.

“It’s done,” the attendant said.

Renee shook off her thoughts and stood up, reaching for her cane.

“Thank you for your hard work.”

“You should go now, Lady Saint. Sir Vera is waiting outside.”

Renee’s body trembled. Just hearing his name made her feel feverish. She nodded and walked slowly, wondering if something was wrong with her.

---

In the garden, Vera was waiting on a bench. On days with no schedule, they would come here to relax.

‘Her complexion is not good,’ Vera thought. Renee’s strange mood, which he’d noticed for weeks, had only gotten worse.

He looked at her face, filled with worry. To most, she looked beautiful and mysterious. But Vera, who spent every day with her, could see the anxiety in her drooping eyes and tight lips.

“Saint. Are you feeling sick?” he asked.

Renee flinched. “Huh? Oh, no, it’s not that…”

She thought he had seen through her, so she blurted out an answer. “H-homework! I’m just worried about my homework!”

“Oh, is it for Lady Theresa’s class?”

“Yes! She gave me a riddle, but I can’t find the answer.”

Vera was silent for a moment, then asked, “Can’t you tell me?” His voice was gentle, and he just wanted to help.

Renee was so startled she immediately shook her head. “No, it’s fine!”

Vera looked down, feeling a strange emptiness. “I apologize. That was presumptuous of me.”

“No, why would you…” she started, her embarrassment deepening.

Vera realized he was about to apologize again. He tried to stop himself, but it was difficult. The difference now was that Renee knew he was the source of her confusion, so she was more careful with her words than ever.

“You probably wanted to solve it yourself, and I didn’t think of that. Please punish this fool.”

Renee felt like her head was spinning. What was she supposed to do? She closed her eyes tightly, and the words tumbled out in a rush. Anything to stop him.

“Um, it’s a riddle about emotions! It’s about the nature of a feeling Lady Theresa described…”

She stopped abruptly. ‘…Stupid!’ she thought. If she was going to confess anyway, she should have just said, “I feel troubled because of you.” Grief filled her heart.

Vera looked at her with a confused expression.

‘It’s about emotions,’ he thought. He quickly put the pieces together. He knew he could help her. How could he be so useless? He was supposed to be her protector. He had to be useful now.

‘A riddle. An emotion. Lady Theresa.’

He quickly pieced together the clues and an answer came to him faster than he expected.

“Saint,” he said.

“Huh, y-yes!” Renee’s body shook, and a cold sweat ran down her back.

“I wonder if the answer is love? Lady Theresa is the Apostle of Love, and the riddle is about emotions, so it seems plausible.”

Renee froze.

Love.

The word stopped all her thoughts. Her voice came out like a broken machine. “He, um, uh…”

Finally, after a long silence, she managed to say something incredibly foolish. “No, the answer can’t be love.”

She had no idea why she denied it so quickly. The word just felt too big, too scary.

“…Is that so? I apologize for not being any help.”

“No…” Renee lowered her head. An awkward silence fell between them.

---

The uncomfortable quiet lasted for over an hour. Normally Renee couldn't stand it, but now she was too lost in thought.

Love.

Could that really be the answer to Theresa’s riddle? Renee had denied it, but she couldn't get the word out of her head. Her face flushed, and she felt a tremor in her stomach.

She tried to think back on her actions. The racing heart when she held his hand, the nervousness when they spoke, the way she had felt in the conference room... it all pointed to one thing.

A constant ‘what if’ haunted her.

She had never thought about love. She was always too busy just trying to survive and to understand the world around her. She had no time for such feelings.

This was all so new and confusing.

“Saint,” Vera’s voice broke the silence. “Would you like to head back?”

“Huh?”

“The sun is going down.”

Her body trembled. ‘No,’ she thought. Not yet. She was too confused. She needed more time to think.

She needed an excuse to stay.

“I…!” she blurted out, grabbing Vera’s arm. Her grip was firm.

“…Can we take a walk?”

It was a reasonable request, and Vera’s answer was a relief.

“…As you wish.”

---

They walked through the garden. Renee’s cane was in one hand, and Vera’s hand was in the other. His rough skin was warm against hers.

“Calm down,” she told herself silently, but her mind only grew more frantic.

She didn't know what would happen if he left her side. The word ‘love’ wouldn't stop echoing in her thoughts. What if Vera hated her for acting this way? Was she hurting herself with these thoughts?

Her grip on his hand tightened. As his warmth spread, her heart beat faster.

‘I’m…’

She had tried to deny it, but her body was betraying her. No matter how much she screamed on the inside, she couldn’t ignore the way her stomach clenched at the thought of it.

“Sigh…” she let out a long breath.

“Saint?” his voice, her constant protector, sounded in her ears.

Her heart pounded. “It’s nothing…” she whispered.

She closed her eyes.

Her mind was playing tricks on her. Ever since she’d heard the word ‘love,’ every action she took, every feeling she had, started to fit with it. What else could it be?

She had to admit it.

If she accepted that it was love, everything made sense. Her curiosity about Vera was interest. Her racing heart was excitement. The emptiness when he left was sorrow.

Every feeling, no matter how different, pointed to one thing.

It was too embarrassing to even think about. The word that had stolen her heart. She couldn’t even say it out loud.

Love.

Her heart, which had known the truth all along, was now saying the name out loud for her.