Chapter 38: First Name

The next day, Theresa watched Renee, who looked utterly exhausted. "You look tired," Theresa said.

"Ah, I couldn't sleep well," Renee sighed, dark circles under her eyes. Her usually radiant beauty was dimmed by a troubled look.

Theresa found this amusing and chuckled. "So, did you figure out the riddle?"

Renee flinched, a faint pink glow surrounding her. The aura grew, enveloping her completely, and she finally nodded.

"Yes…" she whispered, her voice trembling with shyness. She carefully chose her words, then took a deep breath. "I found the answer, but…"

"What's wrong?"

"… I just don't get it."

"Hmm?"

Renee groaned, her eyes squeezed shut as she blurted out, "I don't know why I feel this way. There was no single moment, no specific reason, it just… happened." She spoke in a rush, her words tumbling over each other.

Theresa smiled, thinking, 'She's so adorable.' The soft pink light coming from the girl, who was just realizing she was in love for the first time, was a beautiful sight.

"You don't need a reason," Theresa said gently.

Renee looked up, and Theresa continued with a warm smile. "The answer to the riddle is an emotion that's born without a reason, yet people often try to find one later. That emotion is called love."

"Ah…!" Renee's face turned a deep red. Just hearing the word made her stomach flutter. It was a word she felt too shy to even say aloud.

"B-But still…!"

"I can promise you this," Theresa insisted. "No matter how hard your heart tries to find a reason, it will never be able to define love. Love doesn't ask for reasons. It just wants to be called what it is."

This was a truth Theresa had learned from a lifetime as the Apostle of Love.

"Love is just love. It's the feeling that makes you watch someone without even realizing it. The feeling that makes you try to find yourself reflected in their eyes. That's the heart-wrenching feeling of love. It’s the same way parents look at their children."

Renee shook her head, still trying to deny it.

"Love wears many layers, like a moody child. Sometimes it’s curiosity, sometimes it’s longing, sometimes it’s even resentment. It's easy to misunderstand because it's hard to be certain what it is." Theresa’s words struck Renee to her core. "But in the end, it's still love. Every layer that tries to hide it must be torn away. Love is an emotion that can only be defined by the word itself."

Theresa's words exposed Renee's own confusion and shame.

"Don't search for reasons. All you need to do is accept the feelings in your heart for what they are."

Renee thought about her feelings for Vera. What layers did they wear?

Curiosity about why he revered her so much.

Longing for him, who was so much more mature but only a few years older.

Resentment for his unconscious actions that made her suffer.

She realized her feelings were layered just as Theresa had said.

'Th-that's…'

In the end, it was all love. A sudden heat spread through her body, making her feel like she might burst. Her heart pounded faster than ever, sending warmth everywhere.

Seeing Renee’s face turn as red as an apple, Theresa finished with a light laugh. "It's a natural thing. You're human too, so there's no need to be shy."

"Ah, th-that…" Renee stammered, her head wobbling. She looked utterly flustered, but to Theresa, she had never seemed more beautiful.

---

"Thank you for your hard work."

Renee’s heart leaped at the sound of Vera’s deep voice. "Yes…"

"How was today's lesson?"

Her mind was a jumble. She couldn't remember anything she had learned from Theresa. The heat from her embarrassment was too overwhelming. All she could think was, 'I have to answer Vera.' Without realizing she hadn't learned anything new, she blurted out another silly response.

"I learned something good!"

She instantly closed her eyes in mortification. 'What's good… What am I even saying? He's going to think I'm weird.'

But Vera simply nodded, his tone as calm as ever. "That's great."

It didn't matter what Renee said; Vera would have responded the same way. Renee was his faith, his truth. He would never think of her as strange. He saw her flushed face and, unable to understand what was really happening, just grew concerned.

"Are the lessons hard?" he asked.

They looked ridiculous from a distance, walking side by side, each lost in a completely different world of thought.

---

Three days was enough time for Renee to fully accept her feelings.

As she walked through the flowerbed, her hand held in Vera's, her head was bowed in thought. 'What does Vera think of me?'

She wasn’t wondering about his outward actions. She was looking for something deeper, the hidden emotions he never revealed. She never once believed that Vera loved her. His feelings were too obvious not to notice. His feelings for her were vivid, but they weren't love. They were reverence. His polite attitude, his calm voice, and his quiet, protective actions were all proof of this.

Renee’s heart ached. Her feelings for him were growing, but he didn't feel the same. Her first love was a man who was honest to a fault, without a hint of selfishness.

'It's okay,' she told herself. 'You can be a little selfish.'

She suddenly gasped, realizing they had stopped walking.

"Saint?"

"Ah, it's nothing."

Her shoulders trembled, and the heat surged through her body again. The unspoken question, 'What do you think of me?', was on her lips, but she couldn't ask. She was afraid the answer would be too painful. She already knew the truth; she just didn't want to hear it from Vera himself. She didn't want to lose the warmth of his hand in hers.

It was fine to just imagine he felt the same way.

The sound of his cane tapping against the path filled the silence. Renee’s stomach fluttered, and she walked to the rhythm of his footsteps. She was lost in thought again, and this time, a new thought flashed in her mind.

What if I hadn't lost my sight?

She pictured the face she had once touched, imagining a scene where she and Vera smiled at each other. In her fantasy, she wasn't the Saint, and Vera held her hand and said, "Renee."

Her body stiffened. The imagined scene was too powerful. Her grip on Vera's hand tightened. Vera noticed her sudden reaction, which had become a regular occurrence during their walks. He wondered if something was wrong, but whenever he asked, she just said, "It's nothing." So this time, he stayed silent and simply watched her face, which was a good thing for Renee.

She was so lost in her own mind that she didn't realize how strange she was acting. As she tried to shake off her thoughts, a new idea took hold.

I may not be able to see Vera, but…

'Just to hear him say my name…'

Maybe she could ask. It wasn't a difficult request; it was just a name. She was sure Vera would do it for her. He had called her 'Ms. Renee' in the village before. She just needed to ask him to drop the 'Ms.'

With this new resolve, she took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and blurted out, "Sir Knight!"

"Yes."

"Well…"

She froze. She had acted on impulse, but she hadn’t thought about how to ask him. Sweating with anxiety, she walked for a full half-lap of the flowerbed before she could speak again.

"Ah! I just thought, maybe we're being too formal! Since we'll be seeing each other for a long time, don't you think it would be better if we were on a more familiar basis? Like, calling each other by our first names!" she stammered, imitating a fast-talking merchant.

Her heart pounded with a mix of anticipation and excitement. She tilted her head slightly, her ears strained, waiting for his answer.

Vera’s reply came five steps later.

"Please reconsider. I apologize, but I cannot accept."

It was a blunt refusal.