How to Listen Without Fixing

I've always been a fixer. My instinct is to protect, to solve, to step in. A close friend once told me I have “White Knight Syndrome” - I never checked if that's really a thing, but it fits. At my core, I want to take away the struggle, to shield others from it.

At the same time, I've always been a good listener. My instinct may be to fix, but I've learned over the years that listening doesn't have to mean acting. It doesn't have to mean rushing in with an answer.

Working as a lead has sharpened this skill. Leadership has taught me the discipline of listening - not to respond, not to solve, but simply to hear and understand. And the more I've practiced it, the more I've realized something: fixing isn't always the solution.

Listening creates space. It lets me sense when someone simply needs to be heard and when they truly need help. And even then, the best next step often isn't jumping in to fix. It's offering. It's asking. It's letting them decide if they want support, or if they just needed to let something out.

This is where relationships matter most. Over time, you learn the difference between a quick vent and a real frustration that needs addressing. You start to see when your role is to clear the path and when it's to simply stand beside them while they walk it.

As leaders, our job is to help our teams be at their best. Some obstacles are visible and easy to remove. Others only come out when someone feels safe enough to share. And in those moments, the best thing we can do is not to fix for them, but to help them fix for themselves. To guide them toward their own solution, to help them own it. Because that's where real growth happens.em toward their own solution, to help them own it. Because that's where real growth happens.

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Next time: Guiding Without Owning