Hello..

So, as you can probably tell from the title, my first year at college is officially over—and wow, what a wild ride it’s been! It’s had its ups, downs, twists, and turns, all packed into one intense year. I’m writing this to look back on it all, mostly so I can remember these moments later (and maybe laugh at myself a little).

Let me take you back to the beginning—how I pictured college before I even got there. Back during my JEE days, I used to dream of studying at a top-tier college, thinking it would be this amazing, life-changing experience. But honestly? Destiny had other plans—or maybe I just didn’t push hard enough at the time. I didn’t crack the JEE exam, and I’ll admit, that failure hit me hard. I started doubting myself, wondering if I’d even belong at a good college. So when I finally got into one—not a top-tier one, but still decent—I had this big, shiny dream of it being perfect. I imagined a great peer group, supportive seniors, the whole package. Spoiler alert: reality didn’t quite match up. Sure, I made some awesome friends, but connecting with most of my peers was tougher than I expected. Some were super competitive, others were too laid-back, and a few were just… hard to get. It left me feeling out of place at times, like I didn’t quite fit in. But you know what? I kept telling myself it wasn’t my fault—I was trying, and that’s what mattered.

Reflecting on Year One

My first year was a mix of highs and lows, but overall, it was pretty amazing. I made friends, learned how to juggle a million things at once, and even got a crash course in college drama (yep, internal politics are a real thing). I had to figure out when to speak up, when to pick my battles, and when to just let things go. It made me bolder and sharper, and I learned a few things that’ll stick with me for a long time. Looking back, the year flew by so fast, but I’m starting to see how much I’ve grown. I’m proud of myself for pushing through—even when things got tough. There were moments I struggled, like with my physical health and keeping up academically, but I’m working on finding that balance.

Why this blog even matters?

I don't even know why i am asking this question, but i am.. as i said earlier, this blog was here so that (if others read) they resonate and maybe for someone whose going to college may find this helpful.. But if no one's reading.. its for me.. i like writing, typing, pushing my hands on the keyboard.. it takes me away from the open world, where i spend time with myself and my thoughts (lets not make this sad).. and yaa also so that i, when i grow up.. read and remember my time..

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The Highlights..

My first year at college was a wild mix of highs and lows—some days I felt unstoppable, others I was just trying to keep up. Let’s talk about the wins first. Academically, I did pretty well, scoring an overall CGPA of 9.1, with a 9.5 in the first semester and 8.6 in the second. I’ll never forget the moment I checked my results online—I was in my dorm, refreshing the portal like crazy, and when I saw that 9.5, I legit jumped off my chair. It felt like all those late-night study sessions had paid off.

That 9.5 also opened a huge door for me: a research opportunity in Physics with the Science Post-Grads and PhD students. As a freshman, I was thrilled to be part of something so big. I imagined myself doing cutting-edge work, maybe even publishing a paper. But the reality was… not so glamorous. The research classes turned into endless grunt work, and I felt more like an assistant than a contributor, running errands for the senior students. It got so overwhelming that I started skipping sessions, and eventually, I dropped out. It was a tough call—I felt like I’d let myself down—but I learned that not every shiny opportunity is the right fit, and that’s okay.

Another big part of my year was diving into programming with C and C++. I had zero coding experience, so I thought I’d pick it up quickly—turns out, I was very wrong. I struggled hard with OOP concepts, pointers and functions. I’d spend hours debugging, staring at error messages at night, wondering why my code wouldn’t run. I didn’t master C++ this year, but I did learn to keep going, even when things got tough. That persistence felt like a win, even if my code didn’t always work.

Looking back, I think my biggest achievement was simply surviving the year. Between acing my grades, navigating the research drama, and wrestling with C++, I made it through—and I’m proud of that.

My X and Blogging Adventures..

Another big part of my year was dipping my toes into the online world—starting my journey on X and kicking off this blog on Substack. I’ve always wanted to share my thoughts and connect with people, so I started posting on X, where I’ve got a small but awesome group of 16-18 followers cheering me on. It’s been a mix of fun and frustration—some days I’d post something I thought was cool, but it wouldn’t get much traction, and I’d wonder if I was doing it wrong. Then I decided to take it a step further by starting this blog to document my college life and personal growth. Writing these posts has been a way to reflect, but it’s also pushed me out of my comfort zone—I’m learning to be consistent, even when procrastination tries to win. It’s a small start, but I’m excited to keep growing and connecting with people who get it.

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Looking Forward to Year Two: The Redemption Arc

If there’s one word that captures my first year, it’s learned. Not "fun", not "easy", not even "exciting"—just learned. Because that's what it truly was: a year of raw, unfiltered lessons. A whole damn plethora of them. Some taught by professors, most taught by pain, silence, overthinking, failure, and those strange moments at 2 a.m. where I’d sit back and realize the world wasn’t waiting for me—it was moving, fast. I just had to find a way to catch up.

But I’m still here. I survived. That in itself says something.

Now, as I stare at the doorway to year two, I don’t walk in naive. I don’t expect it to be easier. If anything, I expect more resistance—academically, mentally, and emotionally. But for the first time, I’m not walking in with the mindset that I’m less. Less capable, less deserving, less anything. That baggage? That toxic self-narrative that whispered I wasn’t good enough? I’m done dragging it around. I buried it somewhere back in year one. Let it rot.

This time, I’m building. I don’t want to waste another year getting lost in the noise of grades, comparisons, or some imaginary finish line. I’ve realized I don’t want to be "good at everything." I want to be dangerous at the things that actually matter to me. Mathematics, CS, C++, web development, competitive coding—tools I can sharpen until they’re an extension of who I am, not just skills on a resume. I want to build things that showcase what I stand for in the CS world—not just what I studied. The focus now is depth, not just breadth.

Academically, that means choosing wisely—less time on filler topics, more time mastering the core. Personally, it means showing up at the gym consistently, because I’ve felt it—how physical strength and mental strength feed into each other. And socially? Well… I’m still awkward, still quiet, and I honestly like it that way. That silence is where I do my best thinking. I don’t need to fake small talk or chase approval. I just need to stay real.

What excites me most about year two isn’t a particular subject or some campus event. It’s the quiet idea that this could be the year I start becoming dangerous in my domain. Not in an arrogant way, but in the sense that I start stacking real skills, real habits, and real confidence. Not for the world to see, but for me. That silent inner scoreboard is all I care about.

There’s no neat narrative here. No polished hero story. This isn’t the climax. It’s not even the victory lap. It’s the grind phase. The part of the movie they usually skip over—the early mornings, the failed builds, the silent resolve, the reps in the gym when no one’s watching. It’s the part that matters most.

So yeah, year two? I’m calling it The Redemption Arc. Not because I need to redeem myself to anyone else. But because I owe it to the version of me that almost gave up last year. To the version that kept going despite the doubt, the noise, the weight.

This time, I’m not proving I belong.

I’m proving I can dominate—quietly, patiently, relentlessly.

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