Adrift

This is one of those posts that might seem destined for the flames, but today, I’m choosing to share it. I want to speak up because I believe I’m not alone in feeling this way, and I want you to know you’re not alone either.

I feel exhausted… all the time. Exhausted from the constant barrage of bad news on TV, from watching my savings vanish when my country fucks up every 6 months, from the monotonous cycle of eat-work-sleep, from feeling like I’m stuck on a treadmill, watching myself grow older without achieving anything substantial. Exhausted from pouring my heart into a job that won’t appreciate me enough, and that at the minor inconvenience, I’ll be replaced, from the pile of newsletters I’ve subscribed to but never read, from the backlog of YouTube videos I’ll never have time to watch. Exhausted from adding books to my Goodreads list that I know I’ll never read, from downloading courses I’ll never have time to complete, from starting projects I’ll never finish. Exhausted from trying to keep up with the ever-evolving world of technology, from the constant stream of new developments that threaten to render my skills obsolete, from the fragility of the JavaScript ecosystem.

I’m tired of the endless doctor visits, and I’m even more tired of knowing I can’t afford the medication without my job’s medical insurance.

Photo by Warren on Unsplash

I’m tired of being 29 and still unable to afford my own home. I’m tired of realizing I may never be able to afford one. I’m tired of searching for someone to rescue me while drowning my sorrows in fast food. I’m tired of working overtime without compensation, convincing myself it’s the one area of my life where I’m not a complete failure (yet), and I want to hold onto that feeling for as long as I can, even if it’s to my own detriment.

And that’s okay, I suppose, because I’m not alone. Neither are you. This is the reality of modern life for many of us. Sure, some have it worse, but knowing you’re not alone in the depths can offer some solace. Maybe one day we’ll emerge from this tunnel, and maybe we won’t. But the point is, you’re not the only one adrift.