You Don’t Need a Pet Project to Be a Good Dev: How I Beat FOMO

This article originally published on my personal website, protsenko.dev.

Do you ever feel like you’re falling behind in your tech career? Everyone builds pet projects, speaks at conferences, and posts on LinkedIn. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to finish your sprint without burning out. That’s FOMO — and here’s how I’ve started to deal with it.

What is FOMO, and how could CBT help

FOMO, or the fear of missing out, is the anxiety that one might be excluded from rewarding experiences others enjoy, a feeling often intensified by social media.

Here’s how I’ve been dealing with FOMO using practical techniques based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Here’s a simplified way I think about CBT (from a dev’s perspective):

CBT helps you recognize patterns in how you think, feel, and behave — and teaches you how to test and restructure those patterns, like debugging buggy logic and refactoring. Distorted thoughts appear from common thinking traps known as cognitive distortions, which can cause unnecessary emotional distress.

Types of cognitive distortions

Knowing cognitive distortions is fundamental for self-awareness. CBT teaches that it’s not the situation that causes distress but how we interpret it. We can change how we feel and act by identifying distortions in our automatic thoughts — often fast, inaccurate, and fear-based.

Here are examples of common cognitive distortions and how they might appear in a developer’s life:

1. All-or-nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking): You see things in extremes — complete success or failure. I don’t have a pet project — I’m a bad developer.

2. Overgeneralization: Taking one negative event and seeing it as a never-ending pattern. I failed this interview — I will never get a good job.

3. Mental Filter: Focusing only on the negative part of a situation and ignoring the positive. The team lead left many commentaries in my PR. I must have done a worse job (ignoring all the praise).

4. Disqualifying the Positive: Rejecting positive experiences by insisting they don’t count. I completed these projects, but anyone could’ve done it.

5. Jumping to Conclusions: Assuming things without evidence. It has two forms: Mind Reading: They probably think I’m not smart, and Fortune Telling: the team lead will fire me because I made bugs in the project.

6. Catastrophizing (Magnification) / Minimization: Expecting the worst or downplaying the good. Making one mistake in this talk will ruin my career.

7. Emotional Reasoning: Believing that feelings reflect reality. I feel overwhelmed, so I must be incapable.

8. Should Statements: Using “should,” “must,” or “ought to” to pressure yourself or others. I should contribute to open-source projects and make my own.

9. Labeling and Mislabeling: Attaching harsh labels to yourself or others. I’m an incompetent developer.

10. Personalization: Blaming yourself for things outside your control — or taking things too personally. The project failed — it’s all my fault.

Learning your automatic thoughts and reframing them will reduce the anxiety and compulsive behaviors that come with FOMO. A reframed thought should be realistic, not overly positive — just grounded in facts, not fear.

By practicing, you will build skills to control FOMO, and there is no need to eliminate all of its sources.

Track and Challenge Thoughts in Writing.

Before challenging a thought, pause and acknowledge what you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or discouraged — your emotions are valid, even if the thoughts behind them aren’t entirely accurate.

This is my favorite self-help tool — writing a diary in a structured way to analyze your thoughts. Thought records help you capture the cycle of Situation → Thoughts → Emotions → Alternative Views.

Whenever you notice anxiety, negative feelings, or thoughts like: I’m behind. Make a break and write a journal using the following structure:

• Situation — What triggered the FOMO feeling? Be specific about the event or context. (e.g., “I scrolled Medium and saw many articles about benefits of contributing to pet projects”)

• Automatic Thought(s) — What thought flashed through your mind, and what did it mean to you? (e.g., “I don’t contribute to open-source projects, I’m falling behind in the career race.”)

• Emotions — What did you feel, and how intense was it (0–10)? (e.g., Anxiety — 7/10)

• Cognitive Distortions — Are you catastrophizing, mind-reading, all-or-nothing? Labeling it can remind you that the thought isn’t fully reliable (e.g., Identified catastrophizing (assuming not contributing to open-source is breaking your career) and all-or-nothing thinking).

• Evidence For & Against — Now act like a detective or a scientist examining the thought. List facts supporting the thought and facts against it:

• Supporting evidence: “Only one colleague contributed to the open-source project. He is working as a staff engineer.”

• *Contradicting evidence: “*I do the best at my current position, provide value to the business, and complete projects up to deadlines. I’ve been promoted every year and received solid bonuses.”

• Alternative (Balanced) Thought — Write a more rational conclusion based on the evidence. This is your reframed thought to replace the original. You should acknowledge the situation without fear. Only one colleague contributes, and hundreds don’t. He contributes to open-source because he maintains our open-source framework. He was promoted to staff engineer even before he started contributing. My manager even told me that open-source contributions aren’t the only path to promotion.

• Outcome — Notice how your emotions or perspective shift after reframing. Did your anxiety lessen (rate it again)? Do you feel more confident or calm? (e.g., Anxiety dropped to 3/10; I feel more in control knowing I have a plan to learn what I need.)

Journaling has helped me put anxiety into perspective. When I write down my thoughts, explore the evidence, and reframe them, I shift from reacting emotionally to thinking clearly — like a developer approaching a tough bug with logic and patience.

I’ve used this method not only for FOMO but also for anxiety before speaking, writing blogs, and working on projects. It’s not magic — it’s just structured thinking. But it works.

While this approach can be powerful, it’s not a cure-all. If anxiety, self-doubt, or stress becomes overwhelming or interferes with daily life, it’s worth talking to a therapist. CBT works even better with support — you don’t have to figure it out alone.

At the end

In this industry, it’s easy to believe that only skills matter. But mindset matters, too. I’ve seen smart developers burn out or miss chances because they were too scared, self-critical, or caught in comparison loops to act.

So here’s my advice: build your mental tools like you build your tech stack. Take care of your mind. You don’t need to do everything — take the next step.

If this helps you, follow me or drop a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences with FOMO and mindset. Let’s help each other grow.